Tag Archives: Star Wars

Cause I’m kind of like Han Solo, always stroking my own Wookiee

Here’s something: when I was 18, I got engaged. It was a poor reactive choice to end a string of poor choices I felt caught up in. When that relationship fell apart a year later, I made a pros and cons list (what can I say? I'm a list maker). While there was a long list of cons, they did little to outweigh my top pros, which were "don’t want to admit I made a mistake" and "already put deposit on reception hall" (I was 19…don’t judge.) However, after an argument, my then-fiance said something I will never forget; he said "You try to pretend you're cool, but you're just a nerd….You know what? Star Wars is stupid." That was a slap in the face. Not for the Star Wars part of it, but for the implication of what he thought of me on the whole. At that time, I was embarrassed to admit, even to myself, that I had spent close intimate time revealing who I was to someone to whom cruelty came so naturally, so on my list I simply wrote "doesn't like Star Wars" and got the hell out of there.


I’ve recently realized that from that point on, I've never been in a relationship or even really been great friends, with anyone that doesn't have some deep connection with Star Wars.


A few short years later, I moved into my first apartment with my boyfriend at the time. While unpacking I found his Star Wars toys from the 70’s and 80’s. We hadn’t really talked about Star Wars up to that point; grunge was our lifestyle, he was in a band, and our focus was always on music and finding the next good time. We had an “I knew this was true love!” moment over the toys and put up shelves to display them, with the "platinum edition" VHS original trilogy box set nearby. Living expenses and the inevitable breakup of the band had us home more than out and many weekends were spent in love, bonding over repeated Star Wars marathons.


Incidentally, that relationship ended 6 years later as The Phantom Menace was in final production. We had both lamented that we wouldnt be together to see it and would most certainly feel an emotional tug while viewing it in our "lives without each other" (oh yes, that was one sappy relationship. We were like twins separated at birth…which isn't a great recipe for making it long term, but there was genuine love there and I'm happy to have experienced it).


When I was leaving that relationship, I was older and wiser and had a clearer definition of what I wanted out of life. I didn’t make a list, but when I met new people and considered them as potential prospects, I started things off light and inquiried about their feelings towards "Star Wars". That sounds so superficial, but the truth is that a love of Star wars is often indicative of other personality traits that mesh well with mine.


The ex-hubs and I often joke about how we knew we wanted to marry each other on our first date because during a deep, non-Star-Wars-related conversation he interrupted me by saying “I want to kiss you so badly” and I instantly responded with “I know.” (I know saying this is common and cliche these days, but at the time I wasn’t thinking Star Wars at all…I was nervous and falling head over heels in love…it just came out) A few weeks later we went to see The Phantom Menace together and the rest is, as they say, history.


I’ve never thought about all this before, but in my age group, a love of Star Wars often signifys a youth synonymous with being something of an outcast. It wasn’t popular to be a Star Wars fan through the 80’s and 90’s. There’s something of a kindred feeling amongst fans, a shared struggle that came with identifying with something that was by all accounts “popular” but not “cool”… the Heyday of The Geek hadn’t arrived yet.


More often than not the types of people I like share similar character traits. And those character traits are synonymous with the main themes of Star Wars. A deep respect for honor, quietly commanding respect without relying on confrontation, and a believer in Chaotic Good. They are generally immensely talented and/or extremely intelligent. They aren't "nerds" so to speak, but they have this underside that is quite geeky and yet have come to grips with it and taken an approach that shows they are absolutely comfortable with it and not ashamed. They often have had periods in their lives where they didn't feel comfortable with who they were, they didn’t fit in amongst the usual crowds, yet they came to accept themselves and rock what they got.

It’s funny, I’ve never thought about Star Wars as a “make or break” thing in my relationships, even after adding it to a list over 20 years ago. And some might say that it’s foolish to put weight on a thing such as a string of movies, especially now since all of my relationships have ended. I’m not sure about that though. I don’t denigrate any of my relationships just because they didn’t “last forever”. I feel lucky to have had the majority of my past spent in deep and meaningful connection with another person, even though it wasn’t just “the one”, because each one was right at the time.


I do notice, however, I that in my past relationships the ones that I look back on fondly have a shared love of Star Wars and the one I look back on and cringe, asking myself “what was I thinking?!?” does not.


Coincidence? I think not.

-slacking and waxing 😉


I did a couple favors for these guys who looked like Tusken Raiders


I am SO far behind in posting. Seriously, if I got any further behind I’d be posting “breaking news” about….something dated and old hat (sorry…I got nothing!) Anyway, I wrote this weeks ago and didn’t get to post, so let’s get on with it!

So, earlier this week last week a few weeks ago tickets went on sale for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. And it broke the internet. For realz. Not like that time the media wanted us to believe that a photshopped greasy ass pulled down the interwebs.

Shit got crazy real fast and every ticketing agency experienced some sort of crash. And I was stressed about the whole ordeal. Big time. I wrote this just minutes before I found out tickets went on sale hours earlier than expected:

Tickets go on sale tonight after the new trailer premier. I can’t handle this kind of stress. I was worried enough about waiting in line and having a crappy seat (no, really…I can’t stand the feeling that I might not get in or if I do I might get stuck watching from the first row!) There is no part of me that is interested/prepared/capable of competing with The Internet for tickets and the inevitability of the frenzy that will follow with people capitalizing on ticket procurement.

I was a mess. And mad at myself for being a mess. This shouldn’t be a big deal to me. I don’t participate in “mania” of any type. As a rule! But there I was, feeling emotional, me! The Feelingless Wonder! Getting weepy because while I was waiting to rally and “compete” for tickets, everyone had jumped online two hours early and had already purchased them! I was busy living my life, putting my children to bed, making lunches for the next day, straightening up the house. I missed a window I didn’t know existed until a friend in another state wrote “hope you got your tickets…it was a pain in the ass!” in response to a post I made about waiting for the new trailer. WTF??? No, really, WTF?? Tickets weren’t supposed to go on sale until after the trailer and it hadn’t aired yet!!


I’m not proud of how upset I was, but it was genuine. Life is a ridiculous stress pile and lately it feels like the rough is outweighing the smooth and frankly, there is very little I ask for in the way of personal indulgence…dammit, I want to see this movie! I want to see it on opening night and at that moment I realized it was not going to happen and it felt like a bit much.

Now, me being me, I had a moment of “Reign that shit in!”…I don’t tolerate hysteria in anyone, especially myself, so I resigned myself to accept that I might not see the movie until it was a week or two old. And I was OK with that, because, as much as I want to be part of the opening night hubbub, there are much more important things in life than a movie.

But I tried anyway. And I got this message:

That was all it took, I’m a quitter…I don’t like the option of losing so I often don’t play. But, I tried again, believing myself luckier than most (“The Universe LIKES me!”) and told myself that this was as far as I was willing to go in my efforts.

And just like *that* I was on the page to purchase tickets! Now THAT was stressful! I was trying to pick seats as they literally disappeared from the screen…scrambling to get my bank card, pick a time, a date, a theater…I am not made for this type of trial…I am way too flaky to do this! I was positive I would mess up and screw myself out of my only chance to see the movie opening night!


However, I was able to do it. Yep. I got myself tickets! Not just any tickets, but reserved seating, 3D Imax tickets! On opening night!


That’s a pretty big deal for someone who needs help ordering pizza!

Seriously…it’s such a small thing, but it means the world to me. I’ve never been to opening night for a Star Wars movie. I’ve never seen a film in 3D or Imax. I’ve never been so excited to see a movie before!

I feel so much better knowing that I don’t have to wait in line or worry about trying to get last minute tickets. I feel so good knowing that no matter what, I’ve got my spot reserved and I will not have to stress over something that is meant to be enjoyed.

-In desperate need of slacking, but with a big smile on my face,

I will bite your torso and give you a disease

Morning Frazzled Followers, I wrote this two months ago and never posted it…and while I AM actually working on something new, it’s Monday. I had a good weekend. I’m busy at work. It’s too early to proofread. And I’m a slacker. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you, just means I love me some me more. And we’re all OK with that…because…awesome. This is a long one, really two posts in one. And it’s got that personal “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?” factor that we emotional cannibals love to feed on (my stats don’t lie…you like it when I bleed. I don’t blame you.) so I don’t feel bad about giving you this to chew on while I earn some money doing enough science-y crap to pay for next week’s pizza and fruity wine selection 😘

For the past few weeks I’ve been getting invites to see the new Star Wars movie, The Force Awakens, when it opens in December. In the spirit of brevity (AHAHAHA! As IF!!) I will refrain from explaining why this movie release is a big deal. Four minutes on Google will net you much more concise explanations from people more qualified than I. Seriously, if you really don’t know why this movie release is an epic event, Google That Shit. It’s kind of a big deal.

My friends and family know how I feel about Star Wars and the release of this movie. Thanks to social media, they have been subjected to published “XXX days until Star Wars Episode VII Opens!” for well over a year and every Star Wars related meme that’s come down the pike. My Facebook news feed has been filled with cool and funny Star Wars finds from everyone I know with “This made me think of you!” and I absolutely love it! Suffice it to say people who know me know I’m a fan.

The movie release is four months two months away. And the buzz is building getting intense. I’ve been asked to go see it by multiple friends and new acquaintances. More than a few people have expressly asked to sit beside me and witness my first time experience (seriously? There was less clamoring for my virginity…and I guarded that! But whatever, Jerks.) To some, seeing the movie with me is a big deal and to others it’s a matter of knowing how excited I am to go and wanting to share in my happiness.

And this is a wonderful problem to have. Really. My heart feels so touched to have such thoughtful people around me. Having company to see The Force Awakens is a fun twist on the “sitting alone, intently staring at the screen, trying to absorb every tiny detail” scenario I’ve had in my head for the last year (no, really, all my thoughts of this movie event had me sitting alone…I just have kinda always been the only Star Wars fan in my crowds…I’m used to it and it doesn’t bother me).

But. There’s a caveat. And I feel bad about it. Really bad. But not bad enough to pretend I feel otherwise. So I’m just going to say it.

I can’t babysit someone during my first viewing of this movie. I just can’t. It’s something I want to be selfish about. I want an amazing experience and if it makes me cry I don’t want to owe anyone an explanation. I don’t want to miss a single second of it to any conversational detritus. My focus is hard come by (“squirrel!”) so when I muster it, I don’t mess around. I want zero distractions and only simpatico reverence surrounding me on December 18, 2015. Just that first time.

Now that I’ve dipped a toe into the pool of friendship betrayal I’ll cannonball right in and simultaneously burn bridges:

There are only 4 people that I have met that I would consider seeing this movie for the first time with. The number one person I would love to see this movie with is my father. To this day I still cry a tiny bit (sometimes happy sometimes sad cry) whenever I watch any Star Wars movie because of the emotions I have connected between his memory and the franchise, but that’s not an option.

The second person, I married, and our mutual love for Star Wars played a very large part in our relationship, but we are no longer together (side note: I do have every intention of going together, as a family, with our three children, to see this movie. However, neither of us is so selfless to see it the very first time with them. A weekend matinee will be just fine. We both know what’s up.)

The third is one of my favorite friends who has been my friend since we were 13. He’s a huge Star Wars fan, the mutual love helped foster our friendship over the last 30 years (holy crap, B! Do you realize just how long we’ve been friends?!?) and his presence would only add to the experience, but he lives 816 miles away so it’s not an option.

The fourth person is a new-ish friend. I’ve known him a little over a year and I can’t think of anyone I would rather sit next to when I see this movie for the first time. His level of fandom is deep and inspiring and he brings an aspect of technical knowledge that I have never, ever been exposed to (we know me, the way to impress me is to teach me, and I’m very impressed!) Through his friendship I have found new ways to love Star Wars that I didn’t know were possible. He makes me a better Star Wars fan, and really? I don’t know anyone that can compete with that!

What’s awesome is that he recently asked me to see the movie with him. And honestly, I was shocked. I believe I said “you could have asked me to marry you and I would have been less shocked.” And I wasn’t exaggerating. It didn’t occur to me to ask to see the movie with him because I assumed he had a similar “red velvet rope” mentality about who he would see the movie with as well. And who knows? Maybe he does and I made the cut. Either way, it made me supremely happy. I’m not going to question it.

Now, I know December is a long little way off, not all friendships can weather the ups and downs that can come and go through the change of seasons, but I’m hopeful, that with our past history as my predictor, that no matter what our friendship status is, come December 17th as the clock ticks to the midnight opening, we will be of similar mind and still want to see Episode VII: The Force Awakens (with its subpar font, according to him 😉) together.

After that viewing, I’ll gladly go see the movie multiple times with multiple people and have zero complaints. Hell, I’ll even eat popcorn. But that first time, it’s special to me, and it’s spoken for. And that makes my heart smile.

12/18/15, I’ve got plans and I’m ok with that 🙂

I feel obligated to share this video. It fits:

Dad was a ghost, my friend was Wolverine and these memories will surely haunt my dreams

I saw Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (the original Star Wars movie, for those unaware (Dude. Do you even Star Wars?!?) ) in the theater with my father.

I was 5 years old and I fell asleep. I remember crying the next day when I woke up…I was upset about not even making it halfway through the movie. But my dad took me again to see it and that was a big deal. A really big deal! Trips to the theater weren’t common and going to see a movie twice wasn’t an option I knew existed. Going alone with my father was unheard of and I only remember doing it one other time in my life and that was to see this gem. All I remember about THAT experience was thinking “this definitely wasn’t worth the popcorn!” and wishing I would fall asleep.

Sitting in the theater, watching Star Wars, I asked my dad “who’s the bad guy?” and if we’d seen him yet. This was a common question from me…there was always a “good guy” and a “bad guy” in the movies I watched with my father (and in John Wayne movies there was what would become my favorite type of hero, the chaotic good “Bad Good Guy”) and I was always worried I had missed something in a movie. I clearly remember him whispering “You’ll know him when you see him, Kiddo…” with a touch of excitement in his voice and DAMN if he wasn’t right!

Thirty-five years later I watched my own children’s faces when Darth Vader made his first appearance and I was thrilled at the wonder and fear I saw there, knowing that three little hearts and heads were hooked, just as I had been. In that moment, as a parent, I felt more connected to my father than I ever had before despite him not being in my life for 24 years by that time.

I saw The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi in the theaters as well, with both my parents and all (or most) of my siblings. At the time, the excitement of seeing the continuation of the story on a big screen while we were on vacation was also a big deal. I felt part of something big and just genuinely happy.

Through the years, the memories of those experiences became more cherished and valuable…that nostalgic air creeping in, tinting those finite experiences with a bittersweet pall, realizing just how lucky I was to have had no idea what lay ahead. I had the freedom to enjoy those moments without weight in my heart and not a care in the world. Hindsight gives those memories more importance than they would have garnered on their own, but being aware of that doesn’t lessen the impact.

As I grew up the reasons I loved Star Wars changed…developed, matured and deepened, it is a deeply rooted emotional thing for me, but the foundation of that love would always be a simple memory of sharing something with my father that could have been mundane and forgettable but wasn’t.

-Rainy day slacking ❤


(And can I just say how amazing a thing the internet is?? For years I have tried to remember what the hell that crappy other movie I saw with my dad was…I only remembered that it had something to do with Noah, but was an archeology movie and not religious, had a lot of boring (to a kid) talking and desert…less than two minutes on Google and I was not only able to find out the name, but was able to see footage and finally understand why my father wanted to see that movie. The man loved B movies, thematic cheese, and nothing piqued his interest more than a good conspiracy theory…The Search For Noah’s Ark probably satisfied all of those interests for him. I’m going to watch the movie again…hopefully it won’t inspire another post 😉 )

From Another Galaxy My Heart’s At Zero Gravity

I am a fan of Star Wars.

There. I admitted it. For the few of you who know me personally, that statement is probably accompanied by an exasperated sigh and possibly a mumbled “We GET it. Star Wars is your thing. Let it GO already!” But for the rest of my Frazzled Followers  (<3) I don't believe I've made that fact known, so it's a necessary preface for what I'm about to delve into. So, me? Star Wars. Big time. Take my word for it.


I’ve never really written about Star Wars before. Not here. Not anywhere other than on Twitter and Facebook and that has just been professions of love and funny meme sharing. I’m pretty sure the only mention of Star Wars I’ve made here is using some of the quotes in my lovely post about using movie quotes to express my feelings and that time I wrote about the first time anyone called me “Sith”


I didn’t purposely omit Start Wars from my blog conversations, it just happened. Mainly because I’ve never felt knowledgeable enough to write commentary on the subject, there is an internet full of nerds who do so and they are way more qualified than I (please, before the hate mail starts flowing in, know that I think nerds are mad sexy!)


The absence of Star Wars on this egotistical homage to myself I call a blog is changing. Right now. I’ve been writing again. A lot. And while everything is ending up in my Draft/Trash folder, Star Wars seems to be a recurring theme, so I’m going to stop fighting it and run with it.


I’ve been quite honest about the reasons I write and made it painfully clear in my Bastards post that it’s just my thing. I’m happier when I’m writing and I’m all out of balance when I’m not.

So, Frazzled Followers (<3), this post marks the beginning of a new era. Star Wars. It's a thing. And I'm going to put my own spin on it…because, that's just the way I do things and I'm the boss here 😘


Stay tuned…

-Still slacking, but with a goal this time 😉


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