Am I Evil?


I clearly remember the moment I was given the moniker “Sith”. It was June 1st 2002 and I was at the wedding of one of my oldest friends. The wedding had ended and the party had moved into the hotel bar and really, it was rip roaring. Immediately following an incident I don’t clearly remember (there were requests for alcoholic beverages on his part and possibly threats of blackmail on my part, I cant really be sure) the groom’s young cousin, who was so into Star Wars that he had grown a long rat tail pony tail a la the incomparable Liam Neeson as Qui-Gon Jinn, said “you are a Sith”. He wasn’t messing around, either. For the rest of the night he kept his distance from me and never spoke to me directly again. Ever!

Some days I wish I could say that was the only time anyone ever called me some word that translated to “Evil”, but in truth, I’m pretty sure I’ve been called evil more times than I have been called nice.

I have a coworker who calls me Dragon Lady. I have a very close friend who uses The Rolling Stones’ Sympathy For The Devil as the ring tone for only my calls, and Yoda saying “a message from the dark side you have” to notify him of my incoming text messages. My Frazzled Sister nicknamed me Teuful (German for Devil) and has called me that, albeit lovingly, for 15 years. An ex boyfriend had referred to me as Hitler’s Sister on occasion, which I took to imply “evil”. Another friend called me Machiavelli all the time, but I’m not sure if that means evil or not, but I’m sure it isn’t synonymous with “sweet”. A very close friend, who started as a coworker, would often say “Get thee behind me!” when we were working together and make the sign of the cross, and on occasion the Hubs HAS been known to say “Silent your vile forked tongue, Woman!” and then hum the melody to Santana’s Evil Ways.

I find all of this funny, and really it doesn’t bother me, but I can’t help but wonder why I am being tagged as evil. I mean, it’s not like I go around kicking puppies or boiling rabbits! I have never tried to hurt someone for sport! Sure, I have expressed anger by saying I will stab someone in the eye with a fork for wronging me…but I have never acted on it! OK, in all truthfulness I HAVE stabbed someone with a fork. Two forks actually. But it wasn’t in the eye. And it wasn’t out of anger. It was playful teasing and may or may not have involved me doing a Wolverine impression, but that could happen to anyone!

And yes, now that we are on the subject, I may have scalded my Frazzled Brother’s scalp when rinsing purple dye out of his hair. Sort of on purpose. But I swear, baldness runs in our family and I am in no way responsible for his current day lack of hair (even though he swears he started losing it that day). And yes, when I was an extremely young, inexperienced, and STUPID driver I may or may not have speed-pitched a bottle of nail polish into the side of a moving Iroc, leaving a huge dent and day-glo orange splatter, because the bimbo driving it cut me off. But i grew from that incident! True, I dyed my hair and became a Girl Scout leader to avoid detection, yes, but ultimately it was good that came from that incident. While I don’t regret it, I AM ashamed of it and have never done something like that again.

While I am divulging past digressions from kindness, I should admit that I did, in fact, more than once, claim that I would like to create a cult. But not for evil reasons! I just thought, ok, think it would be really cool to control the thought pattern of a group of folks who thought I was the awesome-sauce of the century and possibly have them refer to me as their queen…but really? Who wouldn’t think that is the coolest thing in like, EVER??!?!?!

OK, OK, so maybe there are some reasons that some people are warranted of their assessment of me as evil. maybe. And maybe there is some truth to what my brothers NYPD friend said when he joked “Every story Frazzled Slacker tells about her having fun is someone else’s story about a trip to the emergency room.” But evil? I think not. I can honestly say with exception to the Iroc driving bimbo, I never wanted to hurt anyone. So while I think it is funny that I am called Sith, Dragon Lady, Teuful, and on rare occasion Oh Dark One, I do think that it is mostly playful banter. I mean, if people were truly afraid of me, wouldn’t they stop associating with me? Of course, then I would have to hunt them down and make them see why I’m an amazing person and prove to them just how awesome I am until they change their opinion, but really, what’s a little forced devotion among friends?

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