So I’m on a diet. Or rather, I am changing my lifestyle (read that word with a snobby drawn out accent and gritted teeth). I started Weight Watchers a month ago when I realized I felt like dying after walking up and down the stairs twice. It hit me that I am too old to not care about my weight anymore. I’m not ready to die, and if I do die, I certainly don’t want to do it on my way up to yell at the kids in their playroom, so I made the effort for the first time in ten years to do something about how heavy I am.
Let me explain why I didn’t care about my weight. I have been many different shapes, weights and sizes in my life. Not all great to look at, but all awesome. Seriously, I have been awesome since about 4 years old. No kidding. I have never, not once, missed out on something because of my weight. Well, maybe bikini contests, but I actually have never witnessed one or known of ones existence, so I can’t say I missed out on it at all. I have never had a shortage of people who want to know me. I have always had friends and boyfriends and was never was without admirers either. So to me, my weight was part of who I was, I was healthy, never had a bad outcome on any type of medical test (and belive me, I’m a hypochondriac, I’ve had them all!) I was happy, and very self-confident.
I have gone through times in my life when my weight was very low, and others when it has been pretty damn high. For instance, in the year before I got married to my absolutely gorgeous (and healthy weight) husband I made it a point to lose weight. I tried Atkins and lost 30 pounds and ended up lowering my immune system to the point that I got Mono. At 30. Nice. That was the last effort I have ever made to lose weight.
About 2 years ago, I decided I was going to make an effort to eat healthier. I went to a nutritionist. She really should have a shingle outside her office that reads “bullshitionist” because all she taught me was to eat sugar-free cancer causing food because “being thin is the most important thing” After 3 visits and proving to her that I could lose 17 pounds without eating a single diet food, I decided to strike out on my own.
I began cooking almost every single meal for my family, rather than eating out or bringing in. I used as many whole ingredients as possible instead of boxes, bags, and cans to make up our meals. I stopped adding any flavoring that came out of a packet and stocked my pantry with spices I had never owned before. I made up my own “convenience seasonings” (check out Want What You Have for frugal and nutritious recipes for making your own flavored coffee drinks, taco seasonings, and many other things I never thought I could make on my own!) and stopped drinking soda (this makes me sad, I love soda. I am willing to bet 30 pounds of my excess weight is directly attributed to soda. I miss it immensely.) I lost 17 pounds in 3 weeks or so and then lost interest in portion control and started gaining again.
And until last month, that was fine with me. My husband and children have always loved me dearly, regardless of what weight I have been, and I didn’t feel like I was missing out. But feeling like I was going to die when all I wanted to do was yell at my children for acting like animals seemed a little too scary for me. I spent the next day researching weight loss surgeries, but I am terrified of being put under and am also terrified of having extra pieces in my body (like the sleeve or band). I have absolutely nothing against them, and I know many people personally who have had surgeries, but besides my fear of surgery, I am terrified it won’t work on me. Not because it isn’t proven to work, but because everything I read said you needed to know how to eat healthy for it to be a success. I did not want to go through the hassle of surgery only to gain weight back eventually because I had no idea how to feed myself.
That is what brought me to weight watchers. I had tried WW once before, right before Atkins, but felt very restricted. I see now that the reason was because I ate out of boxes, cans and bags, and you can’t really stretch your points that far when you are eating all sorts of empty calorie, high fat food.
With the newer Points Plus system, weight watchers has made all fruits and vegetables 0 points plus. That has helped me tremendously, because over two years ago I switched to eating whole foods, so the biggest step for me was controlling quantities and actually eating throughout the day (as compared to not eating at all and then overeating when I finally did.
So there you have it, I’m changing my life. I am recording the ensuing adventures here: Soy Un Perdedor, I’m A Loser Baby. Join me for what promises to be one hell of a ride!
As always, thanks for reading 🙂