It’s A Little Bit Funny, This Feeling Inside (Worst Fears Realized)

Before Monk ever came on the scene, I had a very long list of things I was petrified of that seemed somewhat unrealistic. Now, before you go blowing the OCD horn on me, I must state that I am a slob at heart and while I do get anal about some things (like the silverware drawer being neat) I am way too messy and laxxy to compete with THOSE control freaks (although some days I actually try!)

Here is a list of some gems on my Worst Fears list:

  • Riding a roller coaster where the cart goes off the tracks
  • Being bitten by a lion
  • Encountering a serial killer who has all the same likes and dislikes I do, therefore making it near impossible to not be friends with him (I have wondered about this being realized, but yet I live to write another day, so fingers crossed!)
  • Getting charged by a rhino. Or hippo. Or really any wild animal. ever.
  • Being accidentally “pants ed” in public. Or anywhere for that matter
  • Biting into a piece of ice cream cake and finding a Barbie pink acrylic fingernail (realized, Thanks Baskin Robbins circa 1992!)
  • Chemicalizing my hair to the point it falls out (realized)
  • Getting crushed under any large falling object I was unaware was hurtling at my head (think old-time cartoon-y safes being hoisted up in the air…or an anvil)
  • Biting into a cupcake and finding a baked in cigarette butt (realized, although I wasn’t the biter.)
  • Walking into an automatic opening door that refused to open (realized. See previous post)
  • Getting stuck in a revolving door (realized many times, usually my own fault)
  • Getting stabbed in the eye by something odd, like a flying pencil, an errant tree branch while riding in a convertible (this one has upgraded from “while riding with my head hanging out the window”…Ive matured!), a spit out jelly bean, flung poop from a monkey, the list goes on, but you get the idea.
  • Falling out of a chair in public (realized. Thank you BlackHaus.)

So, you see, having experienced quite a few of these “worst fears” I can honestly say they are not all that unrealistic. After all, I am sure somewhere out there someone is hoisting an antique safe up in the air as I write.

Thanks for reading!


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